A little Christmas Cheer!

Looking out the front window here in Cheyenne on this Christmas Eve, we witness Mother Nature’s sense of humor: what a cinematographer would call white fading to brown.

AARP Magazine this month has an article titled “24 Hours to a Longer Life.” One tip says Have Sex, Live Longer. The Keeper says she would rather not.

In true hard news style, the intrepid reporter from our local news station, decked out in Jingle Bells, headed for the local mall to interview last minute Christmas shoppers on 12/22 (it was last minute somewhere.) The interviewer found a non-threatening subject in a four year old child and asked how her day was going. She said she and Mommy had gotten lost in the mall. It takes a special talent to get lost in Cheyenne’s mall.

This morning, The Keeper took me to the mall (probably hoping I would get lost.) After dropping Oscar the buddy off for a clip ‘n clean, we dropped into the buffet. As The Keeper nibbled away at a large pancake topped with something imitating cherries jubilee, I was thoughtful enough to remind her of her caloric intake. She suggested I eat quietly or she would be roasting my chestnuts when we got home. Geez! Just trying to help.

In Sears tool department I found a “NON FATIGUE FLOOR MAT.” I whined. We bought it. At home, I installed it on the floor in front of the TV and lay down and promptly fell asleep. The mat is going back!

Sign in mall (pointedly pointed out by The Keeper:) “I took a pain killer. Why are you still here?”

I don’t know about this whole Christmas thing. Seems like the spirit is lacking. While in the mall, I established myself in (what passes for) the atrium- a planter beneath a skylight-- and hollered out a jolly “HO, HO, HO!” Next thing I know, the cops are there wanting to haul me away in for soliciting.

I’m home now, where, by mutual agreement, I will stay for another year and The Keeper has commanded a Silent Night.

Feliz Navidad, prospero Ano y Felicidad. Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night.

Words have meaning

One of my pet peeves is the misuse of words out of ignorance, or worse, from some intent to mislead.

I am not immune to this bumbling. When I am proofing something I have written, or mentally reviewing something I have said, and catch myself in an error, I unleash a severe tongue-lashing on myself. (The fly on my wall is greatly amused by these outbursts.) When someone else catches one of my errors, as in the day in an English professor caught my use of the word “recreation” instead of the word “procreation” (yes, I did and do know the difference)I blush and stammer. Stuff happens. But I am a mere amateur. When such mistakes arise from the mouths or pens of self-proclaimed professionals, I really start to bristle. When I detect that the misuse is intentional, for affect, I rant. And here we go.

“NEW EVIDENCE OF WORLD’S END” was a banner displayed on the television screen of the Sunday morning (11/27) news show on ABC. This banner remained on the screen during a story that reported the uncovering of another stone in the Mayan ruins in Mexico which supposedly contains some writing that may confirm the existence of a Mayan prophecy proclaiming the end of the world in December, 2012.

IF that stone actually contains writing to suggests the Mayans’ belief of a 2012 end (which I do not believe- more on that later) then we may have evidence of Mayan thinking some 1300 years ago. In this case, the ABC television banner might have read “Mayans prediction confirmed,” or some such silliness designed to induce hysteria.

I know that ABC was crying out for attention, but the writer of this banner simply demonstrated an embarrassing ignorance. We do not have evidence of world’s end because— wait for it— the world HAS NOT ENDED. And I can prove it! Just look at the dog crap on my front lawn. If we weren’t here anymore, you could not do that (and I would not have to.) So There!

As to the end of the world prophecy, I have read enough about the Mayan calendar to believe that the Mayans did not intend such a prediction. I choose to believe this because I cannot be proven wrong. If the world does end, no one will be left (not even those who spent gobbles of $$$ on a safe cave in Oklahoma) to point out my error. If the world does not end, I can stand up and say “I told you so! Nannee-nannee boo-boo!” (And I will.)

Poor word choice goes far beyond ABC’s error. We see and hear it every day. And few seem to understand why it matters.

When I was teaching freshman English at UW to help pay for my grad work, I criticized the word choice in a student essay. I did not name the student because I was standing in front of the class pointing out errors in the essays these charmers had turned in. However, one male happened to know which female had written this particular essay and rose to her defense (chivalry is not dead, just misplaced.) He said, “Get over it. You know what she meant.”

I tried to point out to this errant knight and his classmates that it is incumbent on the writer of non-fiction to say what he/she means, not on the reader to interpret what might be intended. I further pointed out that such was the whole point of the freshman English composition course in which he had the privilege to be sitting. He did not take my words to heart and he and I were not destined to become chum buddies. I do not know what happened to him; he might be working for ABC.

Why is word choice so important? Because poor word choice sometimes annoys people; more often, people are misled and may make poor choices based on what they have heard without analyzing the accuracy or truth of the speaker’s or writer’s words. This may carry serious consequences.

Consider this: Nary has a week gone by without some talking head, pundit or politician opining that this country is in a recession. These yappers have a certain amount of credibility among the masses simply because they are on TV or radio or in print and appear to have some position of authority or carry some exceptional knowledge. This has been going on since the last (severe) recession officially ended in the last calendar quarter of 2009. This pundit-speak is so prevalent that people actually believe it. The results of a McClatchy-Marist poll printed in the Sunday (11/27) Denver Post, show that 73 percent believe the U.S. economy is in a recession. This thinking saps the life out of any effort toward recovery. People act on what they believe.

(NOTE: The U.S. economy is NOT in a recession. It takes two quarters of negative growth to be considered a recession. U.S. growth has registered positive every quarter since Q4 of 2009.)

If the Denver Post concerned itself with accuracy, they would have printed such a note as I just did along with their THREE COLUMN poll results. They did not. Apparently they prefer ignorance and hysteria.

What’s my point? When you are speaking or writing, give some thought to word choice. Words have meanings! When listening to or reading the mass media, give some thought to what you have heard and seen and its possible accuracy before you believe or parrot such claims. When listening to a politician, well- maybe it is better if you just don’t.

Things are not as bad as sloppy writers and pundits or self-serving politicians would have us believe. The world is still here and there is no evidence to the contrary.

Happy Turkey Day

As Thanksgiving approaches, MADWAA is feeling a bit crotchety. Oh yeah, I do have some thanks to give, but before I get gushy, I have some peeves to air.

First, the so-called “super committee.” We now know how they squandered their months of negotiations: think high school children in detention twiddling their thumbs, scratching body parts (maybe their own) and annoying their teacher.

Then we have the republican president-wannabe debates: these jokers look like a gaggle of used car salesmen on steroids. Anyone who believes anything these people promise needs to put down the bong and face reality.

Then comes today’s Today show on NBC to further cheer me. One of the featured stories was the latest in a parade of families who posted themselves on U-Tube to demonstrate their stupidity. The crawly-and-toddly-aged kids had ostensibly spread (very evenly for cinematic effect) a 1 pound bag of flour throughout the living room. Right! The parents claim the kids actually did this. Doubters are plentiful. Either way, why go on national television to show how stupid the whole family is? Furthermore, WHO CARES and why is this national news?

Next the Today show’s crew visited Martha Stewart’s home for a Thanksgiving feast. Say What? Stewart is a convicted felon. After making a gazillion dollars folding napkins and cooking apple crisp, she wanted even more money and decided to break the most basic of security-trading laws and cheat the market to enhance her returns, for which she went to jail. Now, she is suffering the penance for her crimes in a dining room larger than some homes is still making gazillions of dollars and the Today show honors her with their attention and praise and fawning. Give me a break!

Finally the Today show wrapped up with a Bieber performance in the rain. I was hoping all that electronic crap in the rain would provide an electrifying moment; I was disappointed.

There are a whole lot of NEWS stories out there that the Today show could be focusing on, but they opt for the most inane crap they can find because it is cheap and easy. Don’t bitch to me about your ratings and low ad rates, NBC. I hope your ratings sink lower and I will help by tuning you out. Give thanks for that around Martha’s table, baby.

Now, around my table, I have some real people and things to be thankful for. First, my dear keeper of (soon-to-be) 34 years who continues to successfully muck about in the work-a-day world while I sit at home a-twiddlin' and a-scratchin'.

And two fabulous sons who are serving their country with honor. Who would have thought?

First is the submariner who just got promoted and is raising (and supported by) a grand family. This kid’s claim to fame a few short years ago was setting himself afire during a Boy Scout outing in England; now they entrust him with the enlisted crew on a submarine. Wow!

And the boy who refused to tell his kindergarten teacher his address or phone number because “she didn’t need to know and if she did she could go to the office and look it up” has been selected for the very special duty of Drill Instructor for the USMC. Also accompanied and rooted on by a fine family.

And, The Dog, who just loves me.

There are many more blessings I could list, but I start to feel guilty. There is also a lot more I have to gripe about, but I will give it a rest for today.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. If your life is not what you hoped for or wanted, you can join my club of “what shoulda, woulda, coulda been but ain’t.” In the meantime, I hope things get better for you. Finally, I encourage you to find at least one blessing in your life, such as living in a grand country that comes complete with a comedy team in the capitol and countless ego-driven replacements waiting in the wings.

Our troops deserve ...

Admiral Mike Mullen, recently retired Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, appeared on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. For those not familiar with all that military stuff, the Joint Chiefs Chairman is a BFD (Big Fancy Dude.)

Adm Mullen and I have something in common; he gets grumpy when he is tired. Me too. It seems we experienced slightly different results from that behavior.

The most touching part of his appearance was evidence of his sincere feelings for those we have lost in our current wars. He wears a bracelet 24/7 with the name of one lost fighter, as a reminder of all those lost. Admiral Mullen is apparently a regular visitor to Arlington National Cemetery, and recently, with his wife, planted a tree in the section of that cemetery where those from the current wars are laid to rest.

Admiral Mullen feels strongly about getting our troops what they deserve. Something else we share.

I will add one thing to that list that the Admiral did not mention (and rarely gets mentioned by anyone.) How about some adult leadership? No, I am not talking about the military leadership; I speak of the civilian side of the equation.

It seems to me that if we expect millions of enlisted folks from diverse backgrounds and widely varied educational levels to come together as highly proficient team members not only in war zones, but in all other places and conditions which they serve world-wide, we should expect (demand) the same of the highly educated and highly compensated puffballs in Congress.

Yes, our military troops deserve much. We should remind our politicians that these troops first and foremost deserve civilian leaders who behave like adults and bring pride to this country for which our troops sacrifice daily.

Senators and Representatives, I will tell you what I and millions of others (including Mullen in years past) have heard over long careers: “There’s a job to do. Suck it up and get it done.”

Voter, voter, how does your gov't fumble?

LIES: The Republicans will tell you that one answer to job creation is for the administration to stop impeding gas and oil drilling operations. They overlook (and hope you will overlook) the fact that the current rig count, at 1985 active rigs, is the highest it has been in three years. This figure is up by 324 from 1661 during the same week in 2010, a 19.5% increase. This data is from Baker Hughes.

LIES: Trade: Obama says Congress needs to pass pending trade legislation. Congress tells us Obama has not sent those bills to the legislature for action. Wow.

ARROGANCE: During the past 2 – 3 weeks, the Prez has held several news conferences to announce various plans. He has consistently arrived late for these conferences. This is nothing short of disrespectful. One positive thing can be said for Prez Bush: he was near anal about being on time.

DYSFUNCTION: Obama said last week in his address to Congress that Americans cannot wait fourteen months until the election, for a solution to the country’s problems. Maybe we can’t, but it sure looks like we will. (And then the next election, and …)

HYPOCRISY: I missed this point during the recent Republican candidate debate, but one astute AP reporter picked up on it: While the candidates all seem eager to drastically change or dismantle Social Security and Medicare, not to mention “Obamacare,” most of them seem to want to KEEP the prescription drug plan for seniors implemented by Bush, despite the huge contribution this program makes to the deficit. I’m just sayin’…

TAX REFORM: Every politician who can find a camera and mic talks about tax reform. Nothing gets done. This has been going on for DECADES. When laws are enacted that deal with taxes, they amount to more loopholes and accounting tricks and smoke and mirrors, not reform. It is said that the tax code amounts to a stack of papers over five feet high. I can fix that in about fifteen minutes, with a match.

So what to replace it with? Presidential candidate Herman Cain has a nearly viable idea that he calls his 9-9-9 plan. That is, a 9% national sales tax, a 9% tax rate for individuals, a 9% tax rate for corporations. I might adjust those rates marginally, but he is damn sure on the right track.

Who do you suppose is standing in the way of such grand schemes that periodically appear? The lobbyists for accountants and lawyers would be my guess.

ALMOST, BUT NO CIGAR: Speaking of taxes, Obama said in his speech this A.M. (when he finally showed up) that it is unfair to have an investment advisor with an income of $50,000,000 pay the same 15% rate as a school teacher with a $50,000 income. There are a whole bunch of ways to parse this nonsensical statement, but let’s start with the fact that a teacher with a $50,000 gross income is not going to pay 15% on that income. It would be nice if our politicians would first understand the tax code before they go spouting off about it.

SMOKE AND MIRRORS: And, finally, we come to government accounting tricks. Some years ago, in the 1990s, if memory serves, the gov’t came up with a scheme to save money during a given fiscal year. In order to do this, they moved the end-of-month military payday from the last day of the month to the first day of the next month. (I am not making this up; I was there!) This had minimal impact on military personnel, but an impact for the gov’t of hundreds of millions or so when a payroll was delayed from Sept 30 to Oct 1, thus shifting one payment to the next fiscal year.

NOW, today, there is another shift. (I am also not making this up.) According to an article on military.com, the military payrolls for Oct 2011 and Jan 2012 will be shifted backward, to the last day of Sep and Dec 2011.

Why? Military.com does not say this, but I will. The short answer is smoke and mirrors. The 2012 government fiscal year begins Oct 1, 2011. The shift of a payment BACK to Sep 30 will take one payday out of fiscal year 2012. THEN, the TAX YEAR for most individuals ends Dec 31. By shifting a payday to Dec 31, that means individuals will have to pay 2011 income taxes on one additional payday. That will INCREASE gov’t income for fiscal year 2012 (calendar year 2011.) Are you confused? Well, this is just one simple example of Bureaucratic Think.

THIS IS ALL BY DESIGN!? Congressman Boehner said this weekend that our government, with three (he almost said two, then corrected himself) branches, was designed NOT to work. Congrats! It is living up to expectations.

Are we happy yet?

One in six Americans in poverty! So What?

This week’s media hysteria reports that 46 million Americans (1 in 6) live in poverty. The inflammatory television “tease” or print headline is always followed by the intrepid reporter’s discovery of one family whose story is developed so as to bring at least one tear to the eye of even the mildly sympathetic.

During the media blitz this week telling us how bad off we are in America, I have not found even one report explaining the actual details of how the poverty rate is measured. And it doesn’t take much to explain that. To wit: the “poverty rate” is based on reported income. Assets and unreported income do not count when determining this statistic.

What does this mean? Well, the media does tell us that a family of four with an income less than about $23,000, or an individual with an income in the neighborhood of $14,000, is living in poverty. BUT, it is a fact that you can have $1,000,000.00 in a money market account or some other investment and still statistically fall into poverty.

That’s right. $1,000,000 in a money market or other low yield investment (or a higher yield tax-free investment such as a muni bond) at today’s rates will pay out a reportable income that puts a couple or a family near or below the poverty level.

Okay. You are from Missouri? I will show you. Suppose you have $1,000,000 in a non-retirement account that you can access without reporting a withdrawal. Suppose you are getting a sky high 1.4 % interest on that account (typical MMAs today are paying less that .5%.) So, your reportable income here is $14,000. Now, suppose you are “unfortunate” enough to have no other “reportable” income, or no other income at all. You believe you cannot live on $14,000, so you augment your income with a withdrawal from the $1,000,000 principle of, say, $40,000 (4%, which is within retirement advisory guidance.) So, now you have a spendable allotment, or income, of $54,000, with only $14,000 reportable. Of course, with the standard deduction and personal exemption, you won’t pay any income tax on that $14,000 and you might even qualify for a tax credit for the “poor.” And, with no job, you of course have paid no payroll tax. And, with that amount in savings, you most likely have paid off your mortgage, so you are living mortgage free.

You might scoff at this, but the scenario is entirely realistic and not uncommon for someone at or near retirement age. The Heritage Foundation, in a July 19, 2011 report, states:

… if poverty means lacking nutritious food, adequate warm housing, and clothing for a family, relatively few of the more than 30 million people identified as being “in poverty” by the Census Bureau could be characterized as poor.[2] While material hardship definitely exists in the United States, it is restricted in scope and severity. The average poor person, as defined by the government, has a living standard far higher than the public imagines.

Go to http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2011/07/what-is-poverty for their entire report and an enlightening survey.

I understand there are a large number of people out of work, and some of those people are legitimately suffering. There are more millions who believe they are “underemployed” or not employed to their fullest potential or who have not reached their dream level of existence or whatever. (My keeper is intimately familiar with such an individual.) But before you let hysterical media sound bites convince you that America is in horrible shape because 46 million people “live in poverty,” please take a minute to understand what that statistic means, and what it does not mean.

Here is a test: How many cars run the Indianapolis 500 race? How many can finish in the top 10%? The race is not totally unlike life. Statistically, we cannot all finish on top.

Firearms: To carry or not to carry?

This question has come up a lot lately: a couple national news stories mentioned armed citizens; my son, a United States Marine, is pondering the advisability of owning a weapon for home security; good friend Steve and I discussed the issue at some length recently; and, the issue came up at the Escapade. I am not opposed to the second amendment interpretations or gun ownership in theory. In practice? Well that is something else again. Read on.

The case for allowing all law-abiding people to possess and carry firearms goes something like this: the police can’t be everywhere; if good citizens are armed, they can stop the baddies.

This arguments would seem to make some sense, but what is the reality?
Maybe you heard about the recent shooting at the IHOP in Carson City, NV. A fellow with an AK-47 or some such took out a bunch of people, one or two on the street, then several people (including some unarmed military folks) eating breakfast in the restaurant.

One witness to these events claims he had a firearm on his person, but that he did not have time to stop the shooter before he entered the IHOP. Perhaps that is true. None of us can ever know the exact timeline. But I suspect that this good citizen merely hesitated for a few brief seconds while trying to decide if he 1)was good enough with his own weapon to hit his target with the first shot (as opposed to some innocent bystander) and 2) was willing to draw the maniac’s deadly fire toward himself. These are legitimate precautions that a responsible gun-carrying citizen should take, but those seconds of hesitation may cause a lost opportunity to take out the bad guy.

Then, on the morning news today was the story of a pharmacist in a Michigan Walgreen’s or some such. The story goes that two masked and armed punks entered the store to rob it. One punk goes over the pharmacy counter, trying to fire his weapon. The bad guy’s weapon did not fire. The pharmacist on night duty picks up the phone and pulls out his weapon (he was licensed to carry.) The punk continues to try to shoot his weapon, but it won’t fire. The pharmacist fires his weapon THREE TIMES toward the punk at close range, and misses all three times! (Where did the bullets go?)

These events show how unlikely it is that an armed good guy can bring down a bad guy. To be effective with a weapon, you have to act instantaneously and with confidence and accuracy; that requires extensive and constant training, something the average armed citizen usually lacks.

So what about self-defense? This question came up at the Escapade during a seminar on boon-docking. The questions concerned personal security in the middle of nowhere. (For those not familiar with RV travel, boon-docking is parking where there are no hookups, often in wilderness or off-the-beaten path areas.) Two retired police officers were in the audience. One of them pointed out that you are safer outside the city. The other said that you can have an arsenal in your rig, but the bad guy always has the element of surprise.

It is hard to argue with experienced cops. An even more subtle aspect of the surprise element is what well-intentioned gun-owners might do to actually assist the bad guy.

Friend Steve and I recently spent some enjoyable days at a Colorado lake. We got into a good discussion about firearms and those who carry them. Steve is well-armed, well-trained and a staunch defender of the second amendment. I have no heartburn with any part of what he does. Steve also has some interesting observations from his experience on the firing range and on the street.

On the firing range, Steve has seen too many dumb amateur mistakes. On the street, he has noted that many who carry concealed can’t wait to share the fact that they are carrying. He does a little pantomime where he imitates a gun-toter with a pistol on his belt, concealed beneath his coat, but oftentimes flipping his coat tail to showoff what he has concealed. (This little act is hilarious when you see it in person.) Steve rightfully points out that this removes the concealed, thereby the surprise, aspect of being an armed citizen.

This was brought home to me at the Escapade. A campsite neighbor and I were talking one evening and he was sharing the fact that after Escapade he was heading east to see his daughter, an officer in the United States military. I asked him if she had secured him reservations at the base famcamp. He said no, that if he went on base he would have to unload certain items from his RV for storage at his daughter’s house, due to base security. With the emphasis on “certain items” and the accompanying wink and nod, I immediately knew this guy was carrying firearms.

Good for him. But he did not know me from Adam- we hadn’t even exchanged names. And I then knew that he was armed. So, if I am a bad guy planning to do him harm, I make allowances for what I have learned. Now the element of surprise is even further onto my side of the court. With this knowledge in my basket of goodies, Mr. Good Self-defender can figure himself down for the count, if that is my intention.

Bumper stickers claiming “protected by Smith & Wesson” are hilarious. If I am a bad guy, and I want you, you better have that gun in your hand 24/7 and never sleep, cuz I can get you. (Yep, little old, weak, unarmed me.) And if the bumper sticker is a bluff—well, you are just a fool for inviting unnecessary attention. Better you should have one that says “second amendment rocks,” or something.

So much for the self-defense power of firearms!

So, what to do if you are concerned about self-defense? One solid suggestion that came out of Escapade was hornet spray. The stuff is an irritant and can spray up to 20 feet in a straight line. I would add to that a baseball bat.

If a bad guy means to do you harm and can shoot you from a distance, you are probably done for. But that is not the situation where most innocents go down in a self-defense situation. Most situations can be handled with something like hornet spray, and you won’t have to fret about killing someone (is that something you REALLY want to do?) or your spouse shooting you some late night or your kids shooting each other.

SO- what am I saying here? Bottom line: Yes, you have the RIGHT to carry and I do not believe that right should be taken away. Should you exercise that right? Probably not, unless you are willing to put in the significant time and effort and expense of highly training yourself and everyone else with access to your weapon. (Hint: that means more than a one-time hunter safety course.)

One final note: Do NOT advertise your abilities or weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Think about it.

Good luck and be safe.